It’s always charming to hear from organisations whose hiring criteria appear to begin and end with “failed to get subscribers on OnlyFans(R), owns a working telephone.” I’m sure the job has its challenges, but surely one of them must be the ability to dial the correct number, a skill that, judging by your repeated calls, still eludes you.
This number has belonged to us for over two years. Despite this, your team continues to ring, demanding to speak with a “Lachlan Parkson,” a person who has never had any connection whatsoever to our business. The phone you’re calling is now a duty line for a toxicologist, yes, toxicologist. I appreciate that may be a surprisingly long word for those still wrestling with Year 8 comprehension of English, but it does mean we study drugs and poisons, not missing debtors from years gone by.
Given the age of this recycled number, any debt you’re chasing is clearly from 2021 or earlier. You and I both know how the statute of limitations clock works, so perhaps you can circle 2027 in your diaries, if they extend to dates that far ahead, as the year your calls should finally stop.
Until then, please consider this a polite request: if you’re going to interrupt our work, at least ensure you’re calling the right person. It would save everyone a great deal of time, including yours, which I assume is precious given how much of it must be spent compensating for your colleagues’ similar mistakes.
Warmest regards,
A very tired toxicology service
P.S. Please sit on a cactus and rotate.
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Northern Rivers Toxicology
Posted on November 27, 2025Caller type: Other
Location: Australia
Dear debt-collection enthusiasts,
It’s always charming to hear from organisations whose hiring criteria appear to begin and end with “failed to get subscribers on OnlyFans(R), owns a working telephone.” I’m sure the job has its challenges, but surely one of them must be the ability to dial the correct number, a skill that, judging by your repeated calls, still eludes you.
This number has belonged to us for over two years. Despite this, your team continues to ring, demanding to speak with a “Lachlan Parkson,” a person who has never had any connection whatsoever to our business. The phone you’re calling is now a duty line for a toxicologist, yes, toxicologist. I appreciate that may be a surprisingly long word for those still wrestling with Year 8 comprehension of English, but it does mean we study drugs and poisons, not missing debtors from years gone by.
Given the age of this recycled number, any debt you’re chasing is clearly from 2021 or earlier. You and I both know how the statute of limitations clock works, so perhaps you can circle 2027 in your diaries, if they extend to dates that far ahead, as the year your calls should finally stop.
Until then, please consider this a polite request: if you’re going to interrupt our work, at least ensure you’re calling the right person. It would save everyone a great deal of time, including yours, which I assume is precious given how much of it must be spent compensating for your colleagues’ similar mistakes.
Warmest regards,
A very tired toxicology service
P.S. Please sit on a cactus and rotate.
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