Caller: Dennis

The caller claimed he was from the Australian Tax Office and said they’d launched a new Household Pleasure Device Rotation Compliance Program. Apparently, under obscure Section 69C of the tax code, all adult toys must be rotated 45 degrees every six months to maintain luxury item depreciation status. He insisted I was overdue for my mandatory rotation audit, and if I didn’t allow an ATO Rotation Inspector to come by and realign my collection, I’d face a hefty Non-Rotational Use Fine — plus back taxes and a possible confiscation order for improper oscillation storage!

Caller: Scammer

The caller claimed he was from a Dildo Reposition Company, insisting that my household was overdue for its annual vibratory alignment audit. He demanded I provide the precise GPS coordinates of all adult devices on the premises so his ‘technicians’ could come by and rotate them 37 degrees to ensure optimal feng shui. I told him I’d rather keep my toys exactly where they are, thank you very much

Rang asking me If I would like to send my photos into unpaid mens magazines so I can pretend I'm a model not a whore and tried to sell me LSH Magazine issue 9.

Caller: Dennis

The caller claimed he was an undercover representative for the International Dildo Reposition Mafia. He said my household was in violation of a sacred arrangement treaty that strictly controls the north–south orientation of all rubber implements. Apparently, the Don himself was furious that my collection hadn’t been rotated counterclockwise since 2022. He threatened that if I didn’t comply, a squad of ‘pleasure enforcers’ would pay me a midnight visit to rearrange things by force — and maybe rearrange my kneecaps while they were at it!